In My Feelings About Friendship

The reason I’m sitting here, enjoying the Texas autumn, and feeling some kind of way is because I’m struggling to make sense of my boundaries and needs regarding friendship.

I’ve learned lately that it is critical to ask the questions like, “does this feel good to me?” and “is this good for me?” It may seem obvious, but I feel that so many of us put our well-being so low on the list that what’s good for us becomes unrecognizable.

Anyway, I’ve been doing good at knowing what’s good, and what ain’t it, chief. But what do I do when my values don’t seem to align with what another person, whom I love, values?

Do I a) cut them off? This has been my method in the past, and to be honest I’m tired of ending friendships over differences. I would like to learn how to work through differences in values because I would like to be able to connect with people who are simpatico and anti-simpatico alike. (I just feel like that’s a nice way to live.)

Do I b) communicate my feelings and try to come to a new place of agreement? This is what I’m trying to do and let me say it is uncomfortable. But then again, new and unfamiliar things are often uncomfortable until one practices and gets used to the thing.

Do I c) pretend that everything is fine and shuffle forward hoping things will get better? This is only on the list because other people seem to do this a lot. I am a proponent of option A, and this option is relatively foreign to me. But I suppose there are scenarios when this actually works, depending on one’s boundaries…

Option B is where I’m at currently, and like I said, uncomfortable is the word, but I’m getting used to it and feeling quite happy that I am at a place in my life where I am willing to put my concerns into words and share them with the appropriate party.

All the above said, I’m feeling a lot clearer on where things are at. Thank you to those who read and bear witness to my mind ❤




By justpearlythings

I am a writer, a lover, and a believer in the good things in life. I write about mental health and wellness, along with book reviews and fashion opinions. My blog caters to thoughtful, growth-minded women and men, and offers insights and personal challenges that provide a space for relevant, meaningful connection. The World Wide Web is vast, it contains multitudes, and so do we as people. I believe that through self-awareness and honesty, we create a more loving planet for everyone. Feel free to follow this page and share it with friends and family. Love, Pearl


    1. Hi Taylor! Regret implies you wish you had chosen differently. Know yourself first, and be clear on what you want, before making any moves. This will reduce the feeling of regret. If you still regret cutting someone off, maybe it was you who was toxic, not them.

      Regret can also be your ego’s way of getting you to go back to bad habits. Stay the course, be true to yourself.

      I don’t believe that regret is inevitable, but it is not unusual. Know yourself, be good to yourself, and you’ll be cool. Super cool! 🙂


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