It’s really easy to sit and think all about what I want to do. I like making lists, vision boards, preparing my space, and purchasing supplies. But why is it so hard to start the actual project?
Is it is because I’m lazy?
Is it because there’s no time?
Is it because I don’t have anything worth creating or sharing?
Is it because I don’t know why I want to create?
Is it because DC is a cat?
The answer to all of the questions, is yes.( But that’s just because the answer to any questions I really focus on, can be yes. It’s classic Schrodinger’s cat.)
It’s a toxic trait, but the reason it is so hard for me to start something is, sometimes I want a guarantee that it’ll be worth my time. Because I know myself: I am ever-changing. I know my likes and dislikes, and they change – sometimes I just don’t want to waste energy starting something that may not bear fruit.
But, I’ve realized that’s not a good way to live. Because then how will I learn? It’s through the process of following the breadcrumbs, as my father puts it, that one whittles away what doesn’t work, and what remains is something purely you.
My friend E showed me an exercise where you list all the happy accidents that got you to the good place today. For example, if someone hadn’t (allegedly) attempted to break into my flat in Austin in 2018, I wouldn’t have moved to M’s and became best friends, I wouldn’t have met other friends like E and Major, and it’s possible I wouldn’t have quit my then job as an administrative assistant, and perhaps I wouldn’t have saved enough money to move to New York, and then I wouldn’t live here, and I wouldn’t have met that Darn Cat. I wouldn’t have met my therapist, I wouldn’t have met S and A, I wouldn’t have become more resilient and…
Wow, these are all things that happened because I did put myself out there and start something new.
I guess it’s a leap of faith. It’s kind of cool in a way.
What would you start if you were starting something new? let me know in the comment section.