Let’s Talk About It: Sex and Masturbation

I was a little taken aback when someone commented and asked me to discuss this topic (I thought it was a prank at first,) but I have a lot to say on sex and masturbation. Besides, who am I to deny commenters? Give the people what they want!

But before I can write posts about these topics, let’s define the terms sex and masturbation.

I feel that a lot of miscommunication, misunderstanding, and bad assumptions can be avoided by first clearly defining terms. Once we define the terms, we can move into a discussion.

Sex is an act. For many people, sex is the horizontal mambo (if you know what I mean,) and I am a fan of the missionary position too, but sex is not limited. Because a sexual act is not simply a penis going into a vagina. It can be a finger in a vagina, or a dildo in a vagina, or a dildo in a guy’s butt, and then there’s of course oral sex.

Sex is a playground, a carnival, a theater: it’s a space and time to be creative. I want to move forward with the understanding that sex is a small word that has many, many different meanings, appearances, and sensations.

Now we are getting somewhere: sex is an act, and anyone can do it, and it can be done in many ways. It usually involves sexual organs but can also involve other toys, objects, and body parts.

What about masturbation? Masturbation is just sex alone. The same variables apply: masturbation can mean fingers, dildos, vagina, penis, nipples, it can mean fingers in vagina, or fingers on the clitoris, it can mean a lot of things.

Like sex, masturbation can be done in many different ways. It can involve watching pornography, or watching a partner masturbate in front of you, or it can involve reading 50 Shades of Grey with your hand up your skirt. Basically, masturbation is about getting it on with one’s self, and there are a lot of ways to do that.

Sex can be as unique as the sex-haver. A wise man once said “Know thyself.” And since everyone is different, masturbation is a great tool to know yourself and to show your partner how you like it done. I am a big fan of asking my lover to watch me masturbate, or asking my lover if I can watch them. It’s a great way to learn, and to share with a partner how I like to be pleasured.

Sex and masturbation, as I’ve shown here, are words that cover a lot of ground. When I say “I had sex,” it could mean a million different things.

This can be very confusing, but only because we as a society can be so shy to talk more openly about sex.

I encourage readers to talk specifically what type of sex.

For example: It may be nice to say to your partner, “I want sex with you,” but it may be even better to say, “I want your fingers in my vagina as you watch me masturbate.”

Wow! What a difference in those two sentences! One is not more correct, but one is more specific. Sometimes it’s those moments of being very specific that help me and my partner have a more fun, more intimate time. Communication, as they say, is key.

To close this piece, I want to open the comments for specific questions anyone has about sex or masturbation. The main purpose of this piece is to remind us all that when we think about sex and masturbation, that these terms encompass many types of acts. Each sex and masturbation is unique, and it’s through practice, communication, and a little homework really pays off.

In a future “Let’s Talk About It” post, I hope to address more specific questions.

Off to get off,

Pearl

By justpearlythings

I am a writer, a lover, and a believer in the good things in life. I write about mental health and wellness, along with book reviews and fashion opinions. My blog caters to thoughtful, growth-minded women and men, and offers insights and personal challenges that provide a space for relevant, meaningful connection. The World Wide Web is vast, it contains multitudes, and so do we as people. I believe that through self-awareness and honesty, we create a more loving planet for everyone. Feel free to follow this page and share it with friends and family. Love, Pearl

5 comments

  1. I have a few questions:
    What is the best/your favorite way to get off by yourself?
    Can you tell me more about your mutual masturbation experiences?
    Any advice or experience for a first time cam girl/OF creator?
    Also interested in any stories or experiences that might open my views to try new experiences

    Like

  2. Any advice or experience for a first time cam girl/OF creator? Im nervous about playing with myself for other people but the thought also excites me

    Like

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