Thank you all for commenting my last post and asking such good questions!
Sarah asked, “What is the best/your favorite way to get off by yourself?”
Flicking the bean, beating the meat, or whatever funny euphemism you can think of, is part of my relationship with myself. And like any relationship, it had a beginning, and it can be awkward, and challenging. It can also be really rewarding and satisfying and fulfilling. This is why I consider masturbation as an act that is deeply connected to people’s concept of self, and it’s also a type of personal journey.
Here’s 3 things I wish I knew when I began getting those feelings down there:
- It’s not all physical. Masturbation may be simple in some ways, especially in the physical ways. Anyone can follow physical instructions. You can squeeze a nipple or put a finger somewhere or lick somewhere. But anyone knows that the joy of being a sexual being comes from more than mechanics alone. It takes something special to get to that special place. There is another element to sex which makes it so magical, and so hard to talk about or understand. This element is the personal element, the part of sex that is attached to sex-haver, the element that is attached to the soul. Bridge the gap between the emotional and the physical to have better sex with yourself 😉
- Demons in your head can become demons in your bedroom. Sadly, many people are controlled by their upbringing, trauma, or shame, or early learnings around sex. They carry their sexual histories with them like heavy burdens. Yes, we each bring our own stories and experiences to sex, and it’s good to be aware of them. But we don’t need to be defined by them. To avoid being defined by your sexual history or story, recognize (you better recognize!) that no one comes into the sexual realm free from memories, upbringings, traumas, kinks, fears, and early experiences. You aren’t alone. But do make the effort to heal any trauma and face any shame or fears (talk to a therapist or begin researching self-help books and videos on the topic.) Do the work to be in control of your sexual story, and not vice versa, because it will make those intimate moments with yourself so much sweeter. Masturbation is about loving all of yourself, and that includes the dark sides, too, so make friend with your demons so they aren’t a cock-block.
- Rather than getting into the mood, notice the mood. Human bodies naturally get horny – we don’t need to make them get riled up. When masturbating successfully (which is what I call orgasms and a jolly good time,) it usually occurs when I was already feeling horny and then I made the decision to masturbate at that time (aka when Nature calls.) Learn to listen to your body parts, and let your body take the lead, and you’ll be amazed.
I can’t wait to make more posts addressing your questions. Keep asking but I ask that you keep them specific. 🙂 Let me know if you disagree with any thing too, I am happy to have a discussion in the comment section.
To infinity and beyond,