Tried and true, tested by yours truly, these 5 tricks work every time to NOT achieve a reunion. Whether you want to seem like a total psycho, or whether you want to make sure the relationship is ruined forever, and make sure you never have a chance in hell with your dreaded ex, I’ve compiled this list. Let me know how it goes!
- Show up at their house uninvited. They may seem surprised, and this you might interpret as pleasantly surprised, but that’s because you’re using your Wishful Thinking brain and not your Reality brain. Your ex will in fact not be pleased, and will be reminded that you are indeed unpredictable, and not in a cute, spontaneous way, but in a, “This person could literally set my house on fire,” way.
- Call the Dreaded Ex multiple times. Any number above once will do, but the more the better, for these purposes. Calling above seven times, may earn you the coveted “blocked” status.
- Send a long text. Longer. Longer. Really let out allll your feelings, preferably with no spaces between paragraphs, and all sent at once. The longer they have to scroll, the better for you, my sabatoge-seeking friend.
- Follow their friends and family on social media. Heck, follow anyone they’ve ever mentioned on social media. Comment regularly, and congrats if you get a mutual follow or two. You may think your ex will notice and be impressed. I can’t be sure of this, but it seems like they couldn’t care less (in my experience.)
- WARNING for daredevils only: Send them something in the mail. It should be something thoughtful and sweet, preferably on their birthday or holiday, to show that you a) know where they live and b) remember detailed facts about them. Nothing says “We are never, ever, ever, getting back together,” like having a stalker.
There you have it, folks. Enough worrying about how to get that sweet, satisfying, “happy ever after,” reunion… It’s time to start focusing on how to stay apart. I’m sure that these methods will work swimmingly.
A Wiser From Experience Pearl