Ritalin: To Take or Not to Take? That Is the Question

Hey guys, it’s been a while since I’ve written about substances in my life. I went from chilling, to realizing I couldn’t chill anymore and be happy, to beginning a journey of sobriety that showed me how much I came to rely on the magical marijuana plant. This led me to some much-needed therapy and…… Continue reading Ritalin: To Take or Not to Take? That Is the Question

Coping with Codependency: Addiction and Intertwined Illnesses

Remarkably, it was a twelve-step program for co-dependents that gave me the strength to face my issues with addiction. I began learning about codependency after a terrible breakup, and found that I fit the bill for a garden-variety, run-of-the-mill, codependent. Here’s what I learned about codependents: CODEPENDENTS OFTEN… Have difficulty identifying what they are feelingMinimize,…… Continue reading Coping with Codependency: Addiction and Intertwined Illnesses

Why is Breaking Habits So Hard? (Not What You Think)

As you guys may know, I’ve been on a journey from recognizing I had an addiction to marijuana, to addressing it and changing my bad habits and living a new life. Since I began this journey I have relapsed. It terrifies me how easy it is to fall back into those bad habits. Why is…… Continue reading Why is Breaking Habits So Hard? (Not What You Think)

Numb / Detox / Relapse / Recycle ?

“and I have become comfortably numb,” is what Pink Floyd song says in what I consider to be one of the most depressing songs of all time. When I look back at when I started using drugs, it was because I enjoyed feeling comfortably numb. It was better than the anxiety and depression and self-defeating…… Continue reading Numb / Detox / Relapse / Recycle ?

Sobriety During the Holidays: Impossible?

I’ll start this post by saying I broke my sobriety the other day and although it was a great time with friends, and though I felt fine the following day, I knew I was going down a slippery slope. The truth is, it’s either all or nothing for me, and right now I’m choosing nothing.…… Continue reading Sobriety During the Holidays: Impossible?

Why Getting Healthy Actually Sucks

Ugh. Just ugh. Here’s a piece that has been in my mind, pricking it my brain, for days now. It’s about why getting healthy, mentally and physically, actually sucks. It’s about why I actually hate personal growth. Eff this. It’s so hard, sometimes it feels too hard. And I feel both brave and hopeless and…… Continue reading Why Getting Healthy Actually Sucks

5 Things I Learned During My Relapse

Some of you may know that I quit smoking pot in Spring 2020. The first two weeks felt impossible, the first month was better, and by the second and third months I was feeling better and being more productive than I had for the past few years combined. Then, literally two days ago, after celebrating…… Continue reading 5 Things I Learned During My Relapse

Focusing On Joy Doesn’t Mean You Haven’t Suffered

Greetings from my actual mattress in my Manhattan flat! Yes, that’s right, the days of sleeping on floor like a squatter are over. My bed frame arrives next week, so I’m still living like a meth addict with my mattress on the floor, but this too shall pass. With the busyness of moving from Texas…… Continue reading Focusing On Joy Doesn’t Mean You Haven’t Suffered

In Defense of Bad Days

I had a hard day yesterday, and I can’t blame other people for my cloudy disposition. I acknowledge that certain moments triggered my feelings of anxiety and fear, but the feelings themselves were my own. The frustrating thing about self awareness is taking responsibility for all aspects of myself. Self accountability is the key to…… Continue reading In Defense of Bad Days