“and I have become comfortably numb,” is what Pink Floyd song says in what I consider to be one of the most depressing songs of all time. When I look back at when I started using drugs, it was because I enjoyed feeling comfortably numb. It was better than the anxiety and depression and self-defeating…… Continue reading Numb / Detox / Relapse / Recycle ?
No one actually wants to go out to in them.
I’ll start this post by saying I broke my sobriety the other day and although it was a great time with friends, and though I felt fine the following day, I knew I was going down a slippery slope. The truth is, it’s either all or nothing for me, and right now I’m choosing nothing.…… Continue reading Sobriety During the Holidays: Impossible?
Ugh. Just ugh. Here’s a piece that has been in my mind, pricking it my brain, for days now. It’s about why getting healthy, mentally and physically, actually sucks. It’s about why I actually hate personal growth. Eff this. It’s so hard, sometimes it feels too hard. And I feel both brave and hopeless and…… Continue reading Why Getting Healthy Actually Sucks
I have to do things.I have to do things.I have to do things.I have to do things. Sobriety is just an endless stream, punctuated by sleep, of doing things. I mean, what the heck. Who signed up for this? I guess every human did, or any living thing, really. We’re just all out here, doing…… Continue reading Four Things I Hate Most About Sobriety
2020 is my first experience of East Coast fall, and it’s stunning. Watching the leaves fall, like sparkles dripping, I am reminded of how nature easily sheds itself, transforming from one season to another. Why do we humans cling so hard to what is no longer working? Imagine if a tree tried to cling to…… Continue reading Lessons of the Fall: Letting Go
In celebration of the Witches New Year, I delved deeper into the creepiest holiday of the year to learn the perspective of someone who practices magic year around. Ceremonial magician Tyler Centeno, host of the The Talk Alchemy Podcast, allowed me to interview him, and is giving people a glimpse at the mysterious world of…… Continue reading Interview with a Magician: A Ceremonial Magician Opens Up about High Magick and Halloween
Real change can only come from honesty. Whether it was my finances, relationships, physical wellbeing, or mental health – it took a rather uncomfortable intervention between me, myself, and I, before any real change could happen. The honesty did not feel good – in fact it felt upsetting. But sometimes, kindness is the greater evil.…… Continue reading 5 Reasons Why Being Honest with Yourself is Better than Being Kind
Some of you may know that I quit smoking pot in Spring 2020. The first two weeks felt impossible, the first month was better, and by the second and third months I was feeling better and being more productive than I had for the past few years combined. Then, literally two days ago, after celebrating…… Continue reading 5 Things I Learned During My Relapse
I had been curious about taking the Amtrak for a while now, since it connects NYC to Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Washington, D.C. all within a few hours of each other. So on Wednesday morning I booked a ticket to depart that afternoon and return the next morning (today.) I’m writing this from the coach class…… Continue reading Pearl Goes to Washington