Ritalin: To Take or Not to Take? That Is the Question

Hey guys, it’s been a while since I’ve written about substances in my life. I went from chilling, to realizing I couldn’t chill anymore and be happy, to beginning a journey of sobriety that showed me how much I came to rely on the magical marijuana plant. This led me to some much-needed therapy and…… Continue reading Ritalin: To Take or Not to Take? That Is the Question

New York Winter and the (de)Light of Friendship

It isn’t the cold that is the worst part. It’s the grey. It’s three PM and I haven’t seen the sun all day. I saw it for a fleeting moment yesterday morning, but it’s not out today, and it may not be out tomorrow, either. The gloominess of this New York Winter reminds me I…… Continue reading New York Winter and the (de)Light of Friendship

Why is Breaking Habits So Hard? (Not What You Think)

As you guys may know, I’ve been on a journey from recognizing I had an addiction to marijuana, to addressing it and changing my bad habits and living a new life. Since I began this journey I have relapsed. It terrifies me how easy it is to fall back into those bad habits. Why is…… Continue reading Why is Breaking Habits So Hard? (Not What You Think)

Why Getting Healthy Actually Sucks

Ugh. Just ugh. Here’s a piece that has been in my mind, pricking it my brain, for days now. It’s about why getting healthy, mentally and physically, actually sucks. It’s about why I actually hate personal growth. Eff this. It’s so hard, sometimes it feels too hard. And I feel both brave and hopeless and…… Continue reading Why Getting Healthy Actually Sucks

Four Things I Hate Most About Sobriety

I have to do things.I have to do things.I have to do things.I have to do things. Sobriety is just an endless stream, punctuated by sleep, of doing things. I mean, what the heck. Who signed up for this? I guess every human did, or any living thing, really. We’re just all out here, doing…… Continue reading Four Things I Hate Most About Sobriety

5 Things I Learned During My Relapse

Some of you may know that I quit smoking pot in Spring 2020. The first two weeks felt impossible, the first month was better, and by the second and third months I was feeling better and being more productive than I had for the past few years combined. Then, literally two days ago, after celebrating…… Continue reading 5 Things I Learned During My Relapse

Focusing On Joy Doesn’t Mean You Haven’t Suffered

Greetings from my actual mattress in my Manhattan flat! Yes, that’s right, the days of sleeping on floor like a squatter are over. My bed frame arrives next week, so I’m still living like a meth addict with my mattress on the floor, but this too shall pass. With the busyness of moving from Texas…… Continue reading Focusing On Joy Doesn’t Mean You Haven’t Suffered

Play, Ground.

What can a swing teach me about life?   I see the swing. I think, “Oh, this looks fun.” I climb on, I push off, I ascend.   I pick up speed. My stomach drops. I feel afraid.   I slow down. I scrape the bottom of my Chucks against the ground.   I regain…… Continue reading Play, Ground.

Fully Human: Destruction

Today a storm raged in Austin, and the natural process of destruction inspired me. Examples of beneficial aspects of destruction include a forest fire that fertilizes new generations, or the storm that is, as I write this, filling our Greenbelt with fresh water. Nature teaches us that destruction and creation can and must co-exist. Nature…… Continue reading Fully Human: Destruction